Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get stuck in your own head? You might be excited to reach out to someone, join a new group, or show up for a community event, and then…that little voice creeps in.
“Are you sure you belong here?”
“What if they don’t like you?” “You’re going to embarrass yourself.”
Sometimes it’s subtle. You might hesitate before sending a message or speaking up in a group. Other times, it feels louder, yelling all the reasons why we shouldn’t show up to these spaces at all.
The way we talk to ourselves directly impacts the way we show up in the world. If we’re constantly criticizing ourselves, it’s harder to connect with others. It’s harder to be vulnerable, to take risks, or to feel like we belong.
Why the Inner Critic Feels So Convincing
An inner critic is that internal voice that critiques, questions, or second-guesses you.
Maybe your inner critic sounds like you, or maybe it’s taken on the tone of a parent, teacher, or some authority figure from your past. Either way, it feels serious—and that’s why we sometimes believe it.
Even when it’s telling us things that aren’t true, it’s easy to let that voice hold us back from trying something new or feeling good about ourselves.
Your inner critic isn’t you. It’s just a small part of your mind, shaped by old stories or fears. And when you learn to separate yourself from it, you can stop letting it run the show.
Talk to Yourself
A few years ago, I went through a few therapy sessions that incorporated Internal Family Systems Therapy, and one of the most valuable exercises I learned was personifying and separating out the different elements of myself—especially my inner critic.
Instead of letting that voice dominate my thoughts or trying to shut it out, I started talking to it.
I asked it questions like:
“What are you trying to protect me from?”
“Where did you come from?”
“What do you want?”
That’s when I realized my inner critic wasn’t trying to hurt me.
It was trying to keep me safe.
Whenever I approached a new creative project, my inner critic would emerge full force. I'd absorbed the cautionary tales about unstable artistic careers and impractical creative pursuits, making these external warnings part of my internal dialogue.
I hadn't yet realized that as an artist, I had the power to define my success. When I finally paused to listen—truly listen—to my inner critic, I recognized it wasn't my voice at all. It was the voice of my parents, friends, and family replaying their fears.
While I could appreciate where it came from, I didn’t have to carry those fears anymore.
"IFS is more than a therapeutic technique. It is a conceptual framework and practice for developing love for ourselves and each other."
- Dr. Richard C. Schwartz (developer of Internal Family Systems therapy)
This process of listening to and separating from my inner critic helped me get unstuck—not just creatively, but in how I connect with others. It’s hard to show up fully for your community when you’re weighed down by stories that aren’t even yours to carry.
Give Your Critic a New Voice
Sometimes, when your inner critic gets loud, what you need isn’t a deep conversation—it’s a little humor. Here’s a trick I love: change what your inner critic sounds like. (This idea came from my therapist, everyone say: "Thank you Susan")
If your inner critic sounds serious, you’re more likely to believe it. But what if it sounded ridiculous? What if it spoke in the voice of Kermit the Frog, or a cartoon villain, or (like mine) the Target Lady?
When I gave my inner critic the voice of Kristen Wiig’s SNL character, everything changed. Instead of hearing, “You’re going to fail,” I’d hear, “Oh my gosh, sweetie, are we sure this is a good idea? Bold move!” It’s hard to take that voice seriously, and that’s the point.
Humor can deflate self-doubt and remind you that you are in charge.
Give it a whirl:
Notice the voice. The next time your inner critic speaks up, pause and really listen to it. Who does it sound like right now?
Choose something new. Pick a voice that makes you laugh or feels utterly ridiculous. A voice you can't take seriously.
Practice the shift. The next time your inner critic pipes up, consciously replace its voice with the new one. You might even exaggerate it in your mind. The sillier, the better.
The Power of Journaling (and Morning Pages)
Another powerful way to give your inner critic some space is through journaling. Writing things down helps to untangle your thoughts, process emotions, and recognize patterns in how you think or feel.
One specific practice I recommend is Morning Pages, a technique from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. Originally designed to help artists push through creative blocks, Morning Pages work for anyone. They help you clear mental clutter, challenge negative thoughts, and gain clarity about what’s really on your mind.
You’ll just need...
📕 a notebook
✏️ a writing utensil
⏰ time
The goal is to write three pages of longhand, stream-of-consciousness thoughts every morning. That’s it. There’s no wrong way to do it.
Morning Pages serve as a space for your inner critic to express itself, but the continuous flow of writing creates emotional distance—you become an observer of these thoughts. As you move from one thought to the next, you're less likely to get caught in the undertow of any single critical voice.
Through this daily practice, patterns emerge. You might notice recurring fears, and emotional triggers, or discover subtle shifts in your thinking. These pages often reveal evidence of growth that might otherwise go unnoticed in the noise of daily life.
For me, journaling has been a way to check in with myself, listen to all the voices in my head (critic, cheerleader, and everything in between), and decide how I want to show up in the world.
The more you listen and understand these parts of yourself, the more you can separate from the negative stories they tell. And when you’re no longer weighed down by self-doubt, it becomes so much easier to connect—with yourself, with others, and with the communities you want to show up for.
コメント